eoporto

"I’m trying to just be a normal person without expectations, but that’s never been my..."

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:33:00 -0400

“I’m trying to just be a normal person without expectations, but that’s never been my strength.”

- me

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:05:50 -0400

at Great GoogaMooga

Sat, 18 May 2013 16:30:30 -0400

at Great GoogaMooga

One Man Needs Date to a Wedding

Fri, 17 May 2013 13:11:42 -0400

One Man Needs Date to a Wedding:

me: go get it girl

C: hahaha

C: i only date guys with multiple degrees

me: but “You only yolo once”

C: yoyoloo

me: it’s my favorite.

Literally icing my head because I hit it against the wall.

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:18:09 -0400

I’m not very impressed with this week.

ok, yes

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:11:00 -0400

ok, yes

Martin Parr’s Life’s a Beach opening.

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:22:46 -0400

Martin Parr’s Life’s a Beach opening.

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 19:37:46 -0400

"We women, with our sumptuous breasts and our shapely hips, have to be funny in order literally to..."

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:54:00 -0400

“We women, with our sumptuous breasts and our shapely hips, have to be funny in order literally to survive. Our curves render us useless for just about anything except cracking wise and quip-firing. Sometimes our breasts are so big that we actually can’t move; we have no choice but to sit very still in one place and come up with joke after joke. Sometimes—though rare—our hips are so wide, that we physically cannot fit through the exit door of the comedy club that our office co-workers dragged us to after happy hour. So the only option available to us is to stay inside the comedy club, absorbing comedy act after comedy act, and in so doing, completing the full transformation from comedy student to comedy master.”

- Ellie Kemper on “Can Men Be Funny?”

This is for all the dudes in bars who tell me “You’re so funny” with pure surprise in their voice.

Seriously, how has today not died in a fucking fire yet.

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:24:11 -0400

Yesterday I made Beef Wellington for 24, and tonight I made tilapia and veggies in parchment for one.

Mon, 13 May 2013 23:13:15 -0400

I’m amused by this

"When people look at my pictures I want them to feel the way they do when they want to read a line of..."

Mon, 13 May 2013 21:16:46 -0400

““When people look at my pictures I want them to feel the way they do when they want to read a line of a poem twice.””

- Robert Frank (via akindofsunlight)

laughingsquid: Epcot’s Spaceship Earth Turned Into Animated...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:07:26 -0400

laughingsquid:

Epcot’s Spaceship Earth Turned Into Animated Mike Wazowski to Promote ‘Monsters University’

OMG

Happy Mother’s Day!

Sun, 12 May 2013 15:19:21 -0400

Happy Mother’s Day!

#latergram #nofilter #brooklyn

Sat, 11 May 2013 01:17:54 -0400

#latergram #nofilter #brooklyn

Photo

Fri, 10 May 2013 18:43:50 -0400

tastefullyoffensive: Ryan Gosling won’t eat his...

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:37:27 -0400

tastefullyoffensive:

Ryan Gosling won’t eat his cereal

[ryanwmchenry]

Some mornings, eating oatmeal feels like a punishment.

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:03:51 -0400

Maybe oatmeal just isn’t a Friday food.

When he loosens his tie, I die. It’s all queued up to best...

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:48:00 -0400

When he loosens his tie, I die.

It’s all queued up to best part, so go go gadget.

I am going to be 30 in 6 months.

Wed, 08 May 2013 10:49:00 -0400

Monday night, I went for a run and, in a habit fueled by too many Law & Order episodes and NY Post headlines, I stuck my license in my pocket.

Cut to last night, when I ordered a beer and the bartender asked for my ID, which was sitting on my table and not in my wallet, and he wouldn’t serve me.

So we went to some other bar, picked because there was no bouncer and my friends had to order my beer and I felt like I was in college again, the last one to turn 21 and how horrible and irritating that was and how much I hate breaking the rules and I am never taking my license out of my wallet again.

When I got home, my recently expired license and my current license were just sitting on my table quietly mocking me, so I ate some coffee ice cream.