1. Thirteen years ago, when I was a relatively new teacher, stumbling around my classroom on wobbly legs, I had to call a students’ mother to inform her that I would be initiating disciplinary proceedings against her daughter for plagiarism, and that furthermore, her daughter would receive a zero for the plagiarized paper.

    "You can’t do that. She didn’t do anything wrong," the mother informed me, enraged.

    "But she did. I was able to find entire paragraphs lifted off of web sites," I stammered.

    "No, I mean she didn’t do it. I did. I wrote her paper."

    I’m galled that a parent would write an entire paper, but the sheer stupidity of plagiarizing on top of that just f’in astounds me.