eoporto

  1. All my best moves are based on walruses.

    “Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”

    How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?

    This article on Cosmo’s 44 Most Ridiculous Sex Tips has me in tears.

    2. Source: jezebel.com

    Posted 11 months ago 29 notes

    1. odat reblogged this from eoporto and added:
      Holy god. I am cackling aloud at this. Starts off amusing, then gets hilarious.
    2. ungracefulme reblogged this from eoporto and added:
      I’ve never done any of these things. No wonder I’ve had such rough luck with men. :(
    3. ungracefulme said: I’m pretty sure if I held some guy’s dick with one hand then started slapping it with the other, the ensuing head trauma I received would be well-deserved.
    4. sistacrumpet said: Who writes these things?
    5. eoporto posted this