June 2012
2 tags
Um, thanks. I think?
Stylist: You should be a teacher. Me: Ha,I’d be a terrible teacher. I’d be too mean and impatient. Stylist: I know! That’s why you’d be so great at it.
“By 2016, the male cosmetics industry for tinted moisturizers, anti-aging creams,...”
– This morning on the Today Show
Awesome. Silly me, with my dumb hopes for women and self-esteem and feeling beautiful all the time; because instead the cosmetics industry is just getting men to be ragingly insecure and spend-happy.
“Looking back, I guess bowling just always filled whatever emptiness I had.”
– Bill Fong
I kind of love how something so simple makes this man feel so complete.
1 tag
1 tag
Possible Subtitles For My Fake Memoir
Accommodating As Fuck
Insecurities!
Makes a Well-timed Menopause Joke
Adventures in G-Chat
Death by Internet Comments
At least She Had Shapely Ankles and a Proficient Vocabulary
A Quest for Survival through Cheese, Wine and Sam Cooke
An Excellent List Maker
“Because, seriously, how much more of our precious lives are we going to waste...”
– Megan Dietz I was going to write a list of hilariously insecure things I’ve thought about my body since reading this on Saturday, but then I realized I was mistaking hilarious for totally depressing.
1 tag
“Wolf did keep one lengthy kite “from my old bunkie because it’s a cool window...”
– What Paper Means In Prison
This a pretty depressingly fascinating read.
1 tag
Scenes from the Elliptical, 7:15a
Me: Who’s stupid idea was this?
Me: Mine. Ugh. I the worst.
Just one more reason not to date a vegan.
“As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.’”
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.”
Seriously, go read this. And never, ever make tomato sauce topless.
All my best moves are based on walruses.
“Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?
This article on Cosmo’s 44 Most Ridiculous...
“Emma Stone is supposed to be sick, but when she rolls up to Cookshop at Tenth...”
– I have a serious thing for Emma Stone.
“No, life should not be about seeking your mother replacement, ie, the One Who...”
– carolita
The barometer for first dates is slowly becoming...
This is a sad and true update brought to you via The Internet.
“There are only two things that we actually KNOW we’re on this planet to do: eat...”
– Nicole Cliffe
“Mister Rogers went onstage to accept the award — and there, in front of all the...”
– Tom Junod, on Fred Rogers’ accepting the Lifetime Achievement Award at the 1997 Emmys (via cityography)
“He spread me across the table like I was an olive tapenade and then stuffed me...”
– Fifty Shades of Bobby Flay (via wordishness)
My ankle would like up remind everyone to never...
My downstairs neighbors hate me.
1 tag
I didn't think Girls was very relatable, but...
Earlier today, I was upset because I wanted to go out and I thought no one was around. Later today, I drank very fast and small talk was like The Biggest Deal.
I broke my take-out streak by making pan-seared...
So it turns out I’m not sold on quinoa. It kind of looks like microscopic unrolled condoms and I accidentally used too much vinegar. I probably shouldn’t have bought a whole box.
“Something benign, yet profound.”
– Recently deceased person, because first one to get a post up wins.
“I totally buy that Marnie would masturbate in the bathroom (I have heard these...”
– Meghan O’Rourke
“Worse, the fairy-tale view of history implies that innovation has an end. It...”
– Maggie Koerth-Baker
I think it’s important to remember that large sweeping changes are hard won, and that three sentences in a textbook could represent decades, if not centuries, of tiny steps toward a goal.
“Two Norwegian psychologists think that modern playgrounds are for wimps. Instead...”
– 32 Innovations That Will Change Your Tomorrow 