A very short list of inappropriate crushes I have
Chuck Todd Frank Bruni my trainer Brian Willaims’ voice President Obama Michelle Obama
I’m supposed to play the pixelated girl acting like your penis is about to...– Siobhan Rosen is the pseudonym this writer made up so that her grandmother would never know that semen has touched her face
The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to...– John Updike (via aaknopf) Always and forever. (via rachelfershleiser)
What Baristas Think When You Place Your Order
You pretend you’re gluten-intolerant This is why you’re broke Your heart is going to explode in 5-7 years Stop pretending you can’t remember it’s called a Tall, I see you everyday fuckface. Do you realize that drink is comprised mostly of chemicals and fat would be healthier? I would fuck you Go fuck yourself Totally going to pay for this in coins Respectfully, you really shouldn’t...
I just realized in two weeks from today, I'll be...
I think a lot of people feel crappy right now. Creative types, mostly. Feels like we are all in the middle of a big, depressing, fuck off period of taking for granted that we’re all pretty sharp, and we’re all pretty talented at one thing or another, and we’re all able to convey our thoughts with our words in a (mostly) intelligent way. You’re probably a lot more awesome than you’re giving...
Privacy is overrated anyway. I don't even HAVE...
What kind of information are they collecting and integrating?: Almost anything that’s already in the Google ecosystem: calendar appointments, location data, search preferences, contacts, personal habits based on Gmail chatter, device information and search queries, to name a few. Can they do that?: Not under the company’s current privacy policies, but Google is introducing a new, unified...
DID THE PRESIDENT JUST MAKE ME LOL WITH A CHEESY...
Why, yes he did.
It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which...– Mr. Rogers’ commencement address to Dartmouth College, 2002 (via drinkyourjuice)
Responsible adults rush home from work, go to the...
Please, please say yes.
The realest talks apparently take place at 2p on...
me: ugh, I hate acknowledging my feelings
BFF: Me too, lady. I don't know how it got to be a thing where having feelings about how we're treated is bad.
me: I don't either. But I feel like admitting any sort of displeasure breaks some sort of social contract I don't remember signing.
If you dream of getting rock star parking in front of the restaurant, the only...– Stu Maschwitz - Filmmaker, photographer and writer. As heard on the Scruffy Thinking podcast. I really love this analogy and this whole episode is one of the best conversations I’ve heard about doing what you love, and why that’s not as clean-cut as it sounds. (via the816)
A proposal by New York City’s Department of Homeless Services aims to free...– -nymag Right-o. Because obviously people who are homeless are too dumb and are just abandoning perfectly lovely homes.
mikerastiello asked: What cheese is best? That will keep you busy for a while...
I'm a real life Amelia Bedelia
UPS Delivery Guy: I just need your autograph here
me: [internally wondering why the hell he didn't say signature] Sure.
UPS Delivery Guy: It's practice for when you're a superstar.
me: I'm already a superstar.
But. All I keep thinking is how amazing it would be to wear a monocle and...– everything in the sky
Recent impulsive purchases include a shirt that’s basically a tutu with a bird...– Today, I learned that Whitney Cummings has a tumblr. Naturally, I have spent the rest of the day reading back page after page. I don’t know either.
Wishful Thinking with a touch of naïveté
Dear Fellow Interneteers, It’s really nice to see everyone care. I fully support being indignant, outraged and, most importantly, protecting yourself. I’m impressed with the scope of the anger everyone with an ethernet cord seems to be possessed by lately. However futile I think some of the protests are, I think it’s great to see people responding. At the same time I’m...
Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell...– Anthony Bourdain shares his new business plan with Twitter. Wonder what in the world he’s talking about!
Today is a cuddle in bed, eat saltine PB&Js and...
Instead, I’m suffering through the slowest work day ever.