More Accurate Bath & Body Works Fragrance Names
Sex with someone who hates me I still don’t have boobs Maybe if I smell like slutty V8 he’ll like me better Cucumber & Self-loathing Group projects make me want to kill myself I hate my olfactory system
I can't really even begin to put into words my...
According to new data released by the NYPD [pdf], an average of one student is arrested every day in the city’s school system, and three others are issued summonses. During summer school from July through September, four students each day are arrested, and 94% of those arrested are black or Latino, and 83% are male. “The data raise concerns about black students being...
Millions died under his brutally repressive rule, but at home he called his...– Lana Peters, Stalin’s Daughter, Dies at 85
I hate everyone that isn't helpful until I'm...
Dear “terrible customer service/very unhappy”: You obviously know...– Hilarious person responds to review of the Ugg Soho Store.
Is there an internet recipe box?
I want a place to save recipes I see from various sources that isn’t a bookmark, because, well don’t even make me answer that.
What’s the right way to live? There is no such thing, but if you insist on...– Dear Coke Talk: On more fun-sized advice.
I'm at the gym on a Sunday morning.
I hate myself.
What the word for when you realize you've been...
(thank goodness no one was waiting)
Is there some way for me to go online and say that you quoted me out of context?– My mom. (via alisonagosti)
oh hey great: Eat the Change You Want to See in... →
ohheygreat: Sorry if you follow me on both blogs but this felt important. Happy Thanksgiving! leahreich: I’ll get back to EHR, ethnography, and culture next week. This feels a little more important. Last night I watched an episode of Chopped that made me cry. Four lunch ladies - who should… So very relevant. To everyone.
Drunk Elizabeth is smarter, but she burns the...
Sober Elizabeth eats an apple before she goes to the bar. Tipsy Elizabeth comes home with things to make grilled cheese.
I know women who grew up as “the pretty one.” Sometimes they struggled to be...– “They’re all very pretty,” I said. I’m 28 and I am still sorting through being “The Smart One.” I hardly ever feel very pretty, and I get super insecure if someone challenges my intelligence. It’s pretty silly to say out loud, but it’s very true.
If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think...– Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.– Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata
My job is to tell you lies that tell you truths.– Neil Gaiman (via toldorknown) I declare today Quote an Author Day.
And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the...– Roald Dahl
Things other people use Facebook for: Posting photos of their wedding Posting photos of their baby YAY SPORTS OMG MY BOYFRIEND LOVES ME LOL Using lol as punctuation Things I use Facebook for: The lovely cycle of feeling decidedly hopelessly unmarried, checking up on guys I’ve went on dates with and then taking comfort in the fact that not all brides are beautiful. Reminding myself...
7-Year-Old Critic Declares Worst Part Of Muppets... →
Last night on the Late Show, Jason Segel played show-and-tell with what he calls his “new favorite possession of all time,” — a framed comment card from an early screening of his new Muppet movie. The flick was played for test audiences of both adults and children, and the producers received one comment card that really stood out. When asked what he didn’t like about the movie, a seven-year-old...
It will be easy to hang out with people you like who also like you. Even if...– People who like you will act like they like you.
God, it's like Reagan is running the country...
Tuesday, by act of Congress, pizza was declared a vegetable. The Spending Bill before our elected officials contained an Agriculture Department provision recognizing that school kids are dangerously obese, and that subsidizing school lunches of frozen pizza and french fries is unwise and unhealthy. The Congressional response: a slice of pizza = a serving of vegetables. The American Frozen...
Meanwhile, in a different window I just wrote, ...
Justin: pizza: now a vegetable me: I can’t even. I CANNOT EVEN. That makes me so made I might have to blog about it. You don’t really even want top get me started on school lunches
Wes and his buddy Payton were eating dinner in our kitchen last night, when Payton asked about the wedding photo on the wall. I told him it’s a photo from the day we got married. Payton: “What’s ‘married’?” Wes: “When there are two persons together … that stay together … that really stay … every day … that means they’re married.” I may have to frame that quote and put it next to the photo. -...
They complained about the park being dirty. Here they are worrying about dirty...– Retired Philadelphia Police Captain Ray Lewis I’ve been reading about OWS since the beginning. There are things I about the movement that I’m pretty neutral on, and there’s things I understand but don’t agree with, and there’s things I agree with but not enough to...
WHY IS MEXICAN FOOD SO FULL OF DELICIOUS...
Ainsley: I am so tempted to use the term vertical taco in my book and I just can't
me: like about vaginas?
Ainsley: Yeah. About having phone sex when you can't put your mouth on her [whatever]
me: I don't like calling vaginas tacos because I really like eating tacos. Like the really kind
Ainsley: Oh my god. Elizabeth. That is one of the funniest things you've ever said ever.
Whether or not you know it.
Ainsley: And, I love burritos, not tacos
me: is that code for dick?
Ainsley: So maybe there's some sort of converse response when it comes to eating pussy
This morning on the way to work I saw a billboard...
Suddenly, I remembered seeing a billboard a few weeks ago and thinking, “Oh, look that’s Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, wait it says J. Edgar. WEIRD! I didn’t know Leo looked like Hoover.” Right-o, brain. Because obviously J. Edgar Hoover would be playing himself.
Dance like nobody’s watching—or, better yet, dance like Joe Pesci is watching...– My Superpower Is Being Alone Forever: Party of One This article is hilarious.
Having an indentured plus-one around all the time, though, is something that...– I need to find more emotions that actually taste like pastry cream.
God I love Edith Zimmerman.
Nerve.com: I have this friend with benefits who’s really sexy, but she’s the worst at dirty talk. She uses goofy euphemisms, like “ding-dong” and “wee-waw.” How can I improve her dirty-talk skills without making her feel stupid? EZ: I can’t imagine there are any ways to correct someone’s dirty talk without ruining it! But also, wait,...
…See, I know what you’re trying to do is say ‘All these years, the fashion...– oh hey great: “Dear Levis, I’m sorry to pick on you” This. (via vmarinelli)
But, dammit, you’re not easily tricked into blowjobs.– Apparently, ladies in Park Slope don’t fall for penis mouth surprises as often as men would hope.
No you just had three bourbon drinks on a Monday
String cheese counts for dinner, right?