December 2008
Oh and the guy in wheelchair was drunk and homeless. But held a beat.
At train station. New wave guitarist playing something progressive. Man in wheelchair freestyling an accompaniment. Only in NY.
Is it wailing on the guitar? Or whaling? Either way it sounds like a masturbation joke.
there’s a 75% chance i accidentally flashed the neighbors this morning. happy friday!
this snow would be a lot more fun to watch from my bed. preferably with a cup of spiked hot cider.
opacity is a silly bitch, who tricked me AGAIN today!
my christmas spirit seems to have drowned itself in a bowl of punch this year.
um, trust me when i say you should NOT read my twitter feed over my shoulder.
rather than tweet hilariously snarky things i say IRL, i say my cleverly crafted tweets to all my friends who don’t know what twitter is.
Upgraded coat to sleeping bag with hood for a storm that probably won’t even come.
I don’t care if you had botox, if when I get in the ladies room after you, you’ve managed to pee everywhere.
It tastes like a mistake. I just said that. I have nothing to add.
Whenever I see someone bite their nails, I want to make them hit their own face.
i was all set to make a sweet fibonacci joke, and then i realized 9 isn’t part of the sequence.
everytime the counting crows come i think two things:
- i really like this the counting crows.
- i am such a white girl.
next person who says STAYcation is getting a free upgrade to STABcation. Courtesy of me.
Decemeber 18th - the day I realized my PS action was misspelling November.
Some wished me happy hannukah because I’m from long island. Fuck you - I’m christmas.
Related: yes I am from long island. No I do not have an accent. Next person to be pleasantly surprised about this is getting slapped.
eating a banana is best not done on the street where i can see you.
also, i find spitting horrendously offensive.
my banana eating and spitting tweets are not euphemisms for anything happening this morning.
just realized that how i prefer my tabs to be organized upgraded level orange MUST be oraganized that way.
so the CEOs took their bonuses before the actual profits. Kind of like paying on a first date and hoping you get laid later?
i am so looking up the price of one of my birthday presents so i can gauge how much to reciprocate. it’s the thought that counts?
i play table tennis the way someone’s older sister should. w/ lots of smack talk, miscounting, & accidentally hitting yourself in the face.
i solved @joeschmitt joke. doesn’t matter - no light bulb sockets in coffins anyway.
My bed is especially comfortable. I am SO sleeping with it tonight.
learned today that crossing the street purposefully makes cars stop. maybe my red coat acts as a stop sign. that or my octagon shaped head.
I have spent the entire train ride laughing at my blackberry. I am surprisingly OK with this.
i’m so upset about my apparent stupidity, i’ll exacerbate with typos!
am stressed out about trying to be more relaxed. and i keep pushing this rock up a hill.
minutes spent trying open spindle of dvds before realizing it has plastic arouund it: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
#lazytweet anyone have any amazing new music? need something new.
thanks everyone. will be handing out candy or gold stars later.
today’s victory was hollow.
even after lunch, my mouth still tastes like i fell asleep with beer in it. (i did not)
Adolf Hilter Campbell’s parents took the whole hussein-as-a-middle thing little far.
pro tip: do NOT eat delicious kimchi dumplings after 10:30pm on a weeknight.
i would like to rise above more often, but i am just not very tall.
Oh dumplings, I love you.
Have embarrassingly small bladder. That is all
If chugging bud cleared up adult acne, this guy would be aces.
Uh guys, too much cologne makes you smell like you’re drunk on mouth wash.
high heels vs. snow. i always lose.
looks like favrd is demanding some fucking originality.
did my one nice thing for the christmas season.
christmas list is getting shorter. might be because i’m rapidly approaching the “oh well, then can just return it” zone.
seriously, judge me if you must. but john mayer always gets a yes please from me. always.
in shower. hating my conditioner for being so much smaller than my shampoo. get conditioner in my eye.