wonton soup for lunch. followed by some prosciutto. i like to call it neo-fusion leftovers.
Biggest bejeweled combo ever was the result of flicking away a piece of dust. Of course.
Ashamed to admit how long I looked for a netflix dvd I already sent back. Worse are the 2 still here. I can’t admit how long I’ve had them.
I don’t know what kind of tv he watched while he was home sick, but now everytime I turn on the tv, tivo is recording matlock.
Ok seriously anything that has kermit the frog in it, is ok with me!
decided that the meds work better with a drink. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
also, the best thing about being irish is the coffee.
if you’re wearing $600 boots, here’s a handy hint: don’t complain about the *bad* economy, just STFU.
oh long island. way to fucking go you greedy a-holes.
When describing how attractive someone is to me, I don’t recommend saying she looks like fran drescher. This will accomplish the opposite.
most thanksgivings i drink red wine. this year, i couldn’t because of antibiotics. this year, i can go to bed knowing why i drink a lot.
I find it hilarious ironic when they say the song name in closed captioning. I mean, really?
Based on the number of times this girl has mentioned her boyfriend, I think she lost her virginity to him. Or hates him.
The silly bitch just seriously and unironically delivered this gem: if you marry someone, you marry their family.
is there a world record for hitting the wrong key? because i think i have a chance at breaking it today.
i hate listening to someone cough all day. that means today i am filled with awkward self-hate.
even though i’m sick, i still managed one favrd. based on the water i spilled dangerously close to the keyboard just now, i think i peaked.
sick enough to stay home, but too poor to miss work. three coughs for freelance!
it’s official. my desk chair is more advanced than me.
today = teh suck.
my surprise at a stranger talking to me on the train is often manifested as awkwardness.
you know that person that always replies maybe to e-vites? that’s me. and i never go.
been drinking tea and water all day for my throat. throat still hurts, and i’ve peed about a billion times.
it says my new boots got delivered! which means, watch out world, i will be a force to be reckoned with.
sifting through stupidity trying to fix a problem. this can go on the ever-growing list of shit that annoys me.
i am so freakin’ hydrated that my pee is clear.
dear family - i have the fucking internet at work. pls don’t call me 4x to let me know that the trains are all fucked up. xo.
only working two days this week. awesome, right? it was, right until i realized i’ll be working late both nights.
desired dinner: tea with whiskey and jelly doughnuts.
my goal on twitter is to have more followers than@jmdickinson. petty? yes. but still, a person has to have goals.
hey there buddy. if you say hello 4x and no one answers, hang the fuck up. don’t make hear you say it 10x more.
if you like fish tacos & live in ny - http://tinyurl.com/6ddqfz
hey immune system - get your shit together. i will not stand for a cold on thanksgiving!
there is joke to be made using the words monday & mundane, but i’ve got nothing.
am operating on a third grade level today. long division seems insurmountable.
i think maybe if we were nicer to mondays they wouldn’t shit all over us
what is the male equivalent of a cat lady? turtle guy?
If you google liz oporto, my site shows up first. I fucking hate being called liz. The internet is mocking me.
Train derailed. Does the MTA know this is my real life, not some Clive Owen movie?
East New York is pretty much the last place on earth I’d ever want to walk around. Thanks to the MTA I just got to!
The timed saved by hastily shoving a sweater into the closet is totally lost on ironing it before you can wear it again. Trust me.
brunch is pretty much the best freakin’ meal ever. lunch is for losers.
today is his birthday. as a present i will refrain from telling him i hate his beard. unless he reads this. in which case: kidding, i &l …
When a toliet seat is too low, its like falling ass first into a black hole.
pushing daisies cancelled. makes me want to pie some ABC exec in the FACE
her: what is twitter? me: well you can post little quips and things during the day. her: so it’s like facebook me: well i guess, only not.
this week is determined to go out with a bang. here’s hoping next week doesn’t have so much cluster-fuckery.
some mornings after i drink my tea, all i can think is- that was bullshit. where’s my coffee.
it seems as though today is made of molasses.
i’m glad IRL don’t take as long to laugh at my jokes as it takes to get favrd. a three hr delay would be weird